the starving artist

While my eating disorder began at the age of 13, I was formerly diagnosed with Anorexia with a Binge Purge Subset at the age of 17. My condition further developed into Bulimia two years later and then followed by Orthorexia within the following year. Since then, I have developed a distorted relationship with food, weight, and body image.

My central problem was not so much the external physical ramifications of the illness, but rather the internalized psychological and emotional struggles that I have experienced. My insider artist-researcher approach is pertinent within this book since there is much need to give voice to those inflicted with eating disorders and to counterbalance the detached ‘clinical’ perceptions of the illness.


The reality of living with the ‘inner torment’ deriving from these diseases is unbearable. It is incredibly difficult to express how having an eating disorder can impact the self-identity and self-image of someone who is ill.  My art emerges from this personal experience of these eating disorders and how I represent my body within my artworks.

An eating disorder often starts so innocently, as just trying to find a friend, a coping mechanism, and a companion when you can't control the world around you, so you try to control what's within. However, this series shows the delicate dance where the skeleton, metaphorically, takes control over you.

Zlatar. (2024). [series: the world, the flesh and the breath] [acrylic, 4 x 6 inches, 10 pieces].

As an artist, I am constantly exploring the complex relationship between the self and the other. In my latest series of autoethnographic paintings, titled "The World, The Flesh and The Breath," I delve into the deeply personal and often painful experience of body dysmorphia. Through these works, I seek to examine the ways in which we stretch and distort our bodies in order to fit into society's narrow definition of beauty.

Drawing on the theory of abjection, I explore the ways in which we reject and disfigure our own bodies in order to conform to societal expectations. Through the use of bold colors and fluid brushstrokes, I depict the emotional and physical struggle of living with body dysmorphia. Each painting represents a unique perspective on the self and the other, inviting the viewer to consider their own relationship to their body and the world around them.

At the heart of this series is a commitment to vulnerability and authenticity. Through my own personal experiences, I hope to open up a dialogue about the ways in which we relate to our bodies and each other. By confronting the discomfort and shame associated with body dysmorphia, I hope to inspire others to embrace their own imperfections and find beauty in the diversity of human experience.

Here is the church, here is the people artworks are inspired by my lifelong fascination with religions and cults. From my own personal struggles with eating disorders, I viewed it similarly to a religious community. It can indoctrinate individuals with the media-saturated perception that life is better if you follow the "cult of thin". Eating disorders make you abide by their commandments and influence your beliefs and cultural identity. Unless we learn to separate church from state (mind from the body) we will be proselytized in the church of our suffering.

This series of works offers a raw and honest exploration of the complex realities of living with an eating disorder. Moving beyond superficial portrayals, the author delves into the deep, often painful experiences that accompany the illness. Rejecting the clichéd image of the "thin white girl" struggling for superficial reasons, the narrative instead reveals the nuanced and profound impact eating disorders have on people's lives. Rather than a traditional structured memoir, the author utilizes art and memoryscapes to examine the depths of the disease. Using cake as a powerful metaphor, Dr Ally Zlatar illustrates the intricate balance of control and comfort that defines the experience, offering readers an intimate look at the true depths of the struggle.

An often overlooked aspect of eating disorders is the intense focus on weight loss or gain, with little discussion on the associated symptoms and the harsh reality of striving for 'thinness.' This series of works delves into the reality of the skeletal frame aiming to convey the horror the body experiences when one is on the path to reach their ‘desired weight’. 

death by ketchup, 2023.

the starving artist